As I am writing this I am sitting in the laboratory waiting area at Walter Reed waiting to get my first blood draw of the whole process. But, I’m going to take you back a bit to a different starting point, I wouldn’t call it “the” starting point because I’m not really sure when that was or how to define it.
This first part is going to highlight some of my frustrations that aren’t necessarily related to infertility but more so to government and the idea of “universal healthcare”.
After I experience my miscarriage I was told my only “real” option of “success” would be to do IUI. (Maybe I’ll tell you more about that process in a different post, but suffice it to say, it’s an invasive and very transaction experience). I was informed that I’d have the opportunity to undergo IUI six times before we would have to consider other routes. Unfortunately, we never had success with IUI.
After about four cycles the pandemic hit. Infertility wasn’t considered essential so I wasn’t allowed to conduct rounds five and six for another two months. Maybe two months doesn’t sound like much to you, but when you’ve been trying to conceive for four years, two months is long and unfair. There’s a long and drawn out process to all of this so every delay always has a trickle down effect. This particular delay meant that our decision time on participating in IVF was delayed by two months as well, hoping it wouldn’t come to that point.
Once you commit to IVF, you don’t get to start the next day, you have to wait until the next cycle begins. Point of contention number 2. Mike and I came to the decision to pursue IVF in the late summer/early fall of 2020. We couldn’t start the process until late January/early February 2021.
Now, the journey you’re about to embark upon isn’t at the forefront of your mind the whole time, but it is constantly lingering. Will it work? What’s the process like? Is it going to effect my emotions? Will I handle it well? I can’t work out while we do it, what will my stress reliever be? Moments of optimism seep into your mind, maybe we won’t need it, maybe we’ll conceive on our own! Continuing the rollercoaster of false hope and shattered dreams monthly, while you wait for an outsider to determine when you get your chance to have a baby.
Never mind all the people around you, starting to try, conceiving, and giving birth all the while you have nothing. Add in the stupidity and insensitivity of others telling you “just stop trying and it’ll happen”, “you have to relax, you’re too wound up, that’s why you can’t have a baby”, “maybe if you’d eat meat you’d be able to conceive”, “you know I don’t agree with you reducing your exercise, you should be working out as much as you want”, and my favorite, “you know I’d be a surrogate for you”. Eff you. All of you. There are so many more comments I’ve heard and endured. It’s amazing how insensitive and narrow minded people are. To answer some of your comments, we didn’t focus on it for the first year and a half, we simply had unprotected sex and rolled with it. Relax?! I don’t feel stressed, yes I’m upset but I’m pretty chill, and you’ve got me wound up because you didn’t even ask or you’re ignoring the fact that I have a process within my own body that wasn’t functioning correctly to conceive. Consider that. Maybe if ate meat?! I probably get more protein, more complete protein that most of the meat eaters around me. Don’t worry about working out? Well when your body stops performing a process because your body fat percentage is below 14% and your body wants to focus on keeping you running, come talk to me. You’ll be my surrogate? Specifically to this person, you can’t even be my friend, why on God’s green earth would I want you to be my surrogate?! But also, how about you ask me what I’ve been through, what the next steps are, how I’m dealing with all of this?!
Anywho, I digress. So we were starting IVF in January/February 2021. But then. I received a phone call letting me know that the sprinkler had gone off in the OR and so they have to delay my start date while they check the equipment. “Keep taking the birth control you’ve been on for the last month and we will get back to you on your new start date.”
A week later, they won’t be able to start my IVF cycle. Not sure when, hopefully in April. The water damage ruined the room and they had to do construction work in it. I lost a month of trying naturally because I was on birth control like I was told, and now I was on nothing because I was no longer preparing for anything. How is this acceptable? Well, it’s socialized medicine, it’s the universal healthcare everyone wants. Don’t get me wrong, I’m usually grateful for the medical interventions that I have accessible to me through our military insurance, but this isn’t ok. Did I mention that through this process I asked to see a counselor three times and to this day I haven’t had any success? I asked my medical team 3 times, I called the number provided several times and no one got back to me. Also, not ok. Thankfully I have an awesome husband, a supportive family, and a few trustworthy friends. But I still struggle. I don’t want to lay this all on them and I don’t. I keep a lot of it in and just deal. But there are days and weeks when it’s really, really hard.
So, after 2 years of trying on our own, a year of trying with medication, conceiving and miscarrying, 6 IUIs over the course of a year, and a series of delays sprinkled throughout, a bunch of blood work, even more vaginal ultrasounds to amount to over 4 years of trying, I’ve now been sitting in the socialized medicine laboratory for 1 hour and 9 minutes to get my blood drawn to start IVF. They took 1 vial of blood, that takes less than 30 seconds.
To close, I want to say that I am SO EXTREMELY grateful for the healthcare I have. The cost of healthcare to our family is so cheap financially, the cost of IVF is pennies compared to what it would be in the private sector, I’m super blessed and I don’t discount that. My point here is twofold. This last year hasn’t just been about a virus. It’s been about how fearmongerers have controlled our lives leading to delays in life progression, increased depression, abuse – physical/substance/emotional/you name it. We’ve lost control, we need to take it back. Secondly, I want everyone to have medical care, but I think you’re crazy if you think universal healthcare or socialized medicine is the answer. Consider that only 1% of our population serves in the military, so it’s reasonable to suggest that my medical establishment serves 1% of the local population (ignore the fact that I can count 5 other military medical treatment facilities within the same radius). It took them 1 hour and 9 minutes to spend 30 seconds with me to take my blood. How long will it take if 100% of our population is pulling on the same resource?
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